Life’s Little Essentials – the European Way

It seems that in Europe has its price – from parking spaces to public amenities. Unless you have a twelve hour bladder, always fill your pockets with spare change before you leave home. (And go before you leave to save a few extra euros!) The protocol varies from place to place. In most bars and restaurants, it is enough that you are paying for your meal drinks, and they very generously allow you to use their facilities free of charge! However, in some restaurants and most public places you will find a white-coated “attendant” next to a little plate on a table in the hallway to the rest rooms. The charge for admission is generally 50 cents (A$0.75), which you usually pay on the way out. If the facilities are not up to your expectations, you leave a little less.

The service centres along the autobahns have a much more equitable system. Every 30km or so you can usually find a service centre which is basically a rest area with a little restaurant or snack bar, and usually a petrol station. One of these franchises provides a great system whereby the entrance to the rest rooms is blocked by an automated turnstile. Put your 50c in the slot, take the coupon it spits out, and you now have access to your choice of clean and well-stocked gents’ or ladies’ facilities. When you’re done, you can present the coupon for a 50c rebate in the restaurant. Perfect!

The final point of interest on the topic of relief is the amazing variation between the porcelain ware across Europe. Of course, American and Australian varieties are essentially the same, with Australia maintaining a permanent low tide, and America staying high (I could never understand how dogs on TV could drink from the bowl until I went to the US). The Germans have their own special design. Instead of placing the drain at the back of the bowl, as with Australian and US models, the drain is at the very front, and kept at low tide. The back of the bowl contains a slightly concave plateau to capture one’s offering, thereby preventing any “splash-back”.

Italy presented yet another variation, which I’ll refer to as the “patented Italian arse bath”. It is like a toilet, only smaller. Half of the Italians I’ve seen so far couldn’t possibly have used it. At first glance it’s a kind of bidet. Then flip up the bowl insert, and you have hinged a ring-seat, with an interesting notch in the middle at the front. Maybe it’s a tool rest? Anyway, you probably have to stay at 80 euro a night hotels in the middle of rural Italy to find this little gem...